the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
