yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
