He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
