when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
