you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
