I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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