This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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