Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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