All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
