I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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