i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize