I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
