So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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