Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I understand Curling. That high.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
