Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
