i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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