epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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