No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
