How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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