i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
