My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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