So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
