And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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