i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
