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Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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