On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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