youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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