I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
