Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
