I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
