They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
