I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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