I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
