don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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