and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize