in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
