please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
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