I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
