"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
