it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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