She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
