Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
