it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
