Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
