I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
