apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I could fuck to npr.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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