I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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