I'm laying in your front yard are you home
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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