as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
