just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
