Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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