and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
