he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
