shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
