do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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