Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
