This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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