Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's Friday. Sex?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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