after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
