Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you win again, gameday.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sorry my hands just texted you
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
