We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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