i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
