Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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