So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
