And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
