Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize