I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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