Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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